I Die Daily….

I’ve got a lot in my head, and eventually I’ll get to writing more about social issues, theology, missional living, etc., but for now I’m just writing what comes.
My post a few days ago got me thinking a little more…
(Just for my peace of mind, all references to dying are about our will/flesh/selfish nature. Not committing physical suicide.)

There is a war within me. There is a battle for the possession of me and my life. This battle comes from all angles. (By the way if you want to listen to a cool song about this try “War Inside” by Switchfoot). I could write about how this war starts in us and then causes all of the wars outside of us… But that is for another post… The battle inside is multifaceted. It starts with me trying to fight myself. I have a desire to be right with God, but I continually fail. The flesh is weak and so I fail to live within the covenant that brings life. But there is also a war within between the flesh and the spirit of God. For a long time I thought that the Spirit would change me to be more like Christ. But I’m not so sure about that anymore. Because no matter how much the Spirit compels me, there is still the fight/flight response in me. My selfish nature is still there. The lustful, greedy, etc person is still there. I think about those who are recovering from an addiction or have an addictive personality, and they are never “cured” from that. They are recovering for the rest of their life. I think about people who have followed God forever and yet get caught up in an act of the flesh that ruins them (or at least ruins their perception among people. God is never fooled or surprised by us, and is much more merciful than we are in the long run.) So how are we transformed and renewed? And what part, if any, do we have to do with it? Well, we have one choice really, and it is a broad-sweeping choice, and a moment by moment choice. The question that God puts to us and the choice we must make is: Will you come and and die? Will you pick up your cross and follow me? I’m convinced that the only way we truly change is by choosing to put ourselves and flesh to death, and to submit to the life that the Holy Spirit breathes into us. I’ve heard it said a lot recently that “God can’t resurrect something until it dies.” There is a double meaning here obviously, but so goes the mystical nature of God. The old desires of the flesh will always be there, but it is our choice to nail them to the cross. There is a freedom in that I can’t fully comprehend. Jesus knew that. That is why he didn’t ask us to get morally right, and then follow Him. I no longer am trying desperately to change or conform myself, and continually failing. I accept who I am, and that I am weak, but that God’s ways are better and in order to live in Him I have to die in me. God beckons us to abide in Him, to trust Him, to have faith in Him, not to change ourselves. As we trust in Him, we learn in His goodness and long for it. The flesh is always weak, and will always be a thorn to us, but we are moment by moment choosing to trust Him more than ourselves. And that His plan and desires are more important than our own. That is the life Christ showed us. A life that is put to death and resurrected. A life of obedience at all costs for the glory and the gain of God. All of this is scriptural, so I’m not acting like I’m stumbling upon something new. But I have to admit, that for some time I was still convinced that me dying was still about trying to change the flesh. So today, give yourself a break from trying to get it all right, and then choose to die… It’s only then, will you truly live…


One thought on “I Die Daily….

  1. Love this line, “The old desires of the flesh will always be there, but it is our choice to nail them to the cross.”


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